ALL you need to know about the CAT exam

I recently had the pleasure of preparing for the CAT (Common Aptitude Test) exam, conducted by the IIM's. A few random observations, if you'll allow me.

You can tell a CAT aspirant out of any lineup. Their eyes are wider, pupils dialated and a with hint of madness which screams, "Look I know I'm going sanile - but bugger off!!". It like being high on dope, without all the trouble of scoring. Thats right - be forwarned. Your friends are going to become monsters.

If your friend calls you for a walk and mutters under his breath, "ok.. ok.. 2 m/s and 2m/s .. ok .. ok.. relative speed = 4, ok.. ok.. 100 m / 4 = 25sec" & exclaims... "Ya dude, if we continue to walk at this speed, then we should pass the pretty girl in exactly 25 seconds", THEN, that is your cue to RUN... Because your friend is infected with the CAT virus.

Thats right, ordinary people suddenly start to talk funny. (Something like Shoaib Akhtar, who sounds like a unholy cross between Tony Greig and Kumble.) They say annoying stuff like,

"Dude, voh kya keh rahi thi - full on esoteric laga. Voh
toh Raj ke taraf Partisan hai, and
Bhai, main to ek Egalitarian ladka
hun. Sabko equal chance. Pakka CAT ke tareh."

And then there is the other class. The backward classes of CAT (no, not the lucky ones). We are the ones who observe the commotion from a distance. The fly on the wall. The invigilator in the CAT exam hall. The sitter in between 5 IIT level questions on Logs.

I'm one of them. These days everyone has been asking me, "Dude, how is CAT prep going". I turn around and say, "Man, it feels like I'm on the wrong end of a Sine curve." That pretty much sums up my CAT saga. It's like seeing art-house French movie... without the subtitles.

But seriously, what do you expect unless you were born with a little extra lumps of brain. Do NOT dismiss it as impossible. Doesn't Hrithik Roshan have an extra thumb?? Scientists do not want to prove it, because then the secret of their success (and single status) would be out.

For example: Have you SEEN the data interpratation sets in this years AIMCAT series. (slow death, i call them).

"Irfan is an allrounder in cricket and is good at all three aspects
of the game. batting bowling and fielding. He has a weekly training schedule,
such that all three aspects as practiced for exactly 3 sessions, in the period
of seven days. Gap b/w any two consecutive sessions of any of the 3 aspects must not be more than 5 days. He rests on 1 day of the week, only on wednesday he practices all three aspects. During a period of 6 consecutive days he practiced feilding on first day, bowling on second day , bowling on third day, feilding on fourth day, bowling on the fifth day and may have died by the sixth day. the above is only a partial list of of some of the days during which he could have practiced multiple aspects on the same day."

Question: On what day did he rest?????

NO WONDER HE IS NOT IN THE TEAM!!!

Anyway, here is my theory on how AIMCATS get there crazy DI questions.

• They have captured and chained a mad russion scientist called Igor Ivanov who produces DI caselets like the above one. He gets his kicks. Its like sex for him.
• A bunch of reformed axe-murderers who used to be mathematicians in their hayday produce these by the dozen.
• There is the One, (like in the Matrix), who was hired by these guys. He can be identified by the Dr. Phd. MPhil. MCom. CA. CISA. FPM next to his name. He wears white shirts and red chequered ones, when he's feeling particularly adventerous. Also, he has an autographed copy of Newton's Principa Mathematica.

Why would anyone subject themselves to this? and yet, 2,50,000 people... !